Darkness sighed softly as he wrapped up his summary and just looked down. "After that... I spent the last three years making a name for myself as a contract killer... All the money, nicknames, and blood never stopped me from trying to be there when you needed me though, Lisa." He said as he looked at Lyte, who just hugged him close to her. "I know... Silver told me you pissed a lot of people off to make sure you were at a good chunk of my concerts... one thing that I want to know about your story... you said a drug made you kill a bunch of scientists... how on earth did THAT get covered up?" She asked curiously. Darkness just pinched his nose. "It's funny how coincidences work... turns out the drug developer... And the company... Is Mr Capryse's wife Saryn" He said as he laughed bitterly. "She had it all covered up seconds after Silver and I left... hell it's like she KNEW what the drug really did... totally not a coincidence at all." He added sarcastically. Lyte nodded and made a note to look into Saryn later. "I see... look as long as you stop this 'Derek is dead' bullcrap... I'll support you the best I can big brother, just try to be careful" She said as she and Silver got off Darkness' lap while Lyte got out of her hospital clothes and into a white Tank Top and matching Capris with glowing shoes. Darkness raised a brow at her. "You gonna be okay sis?" He asked. Lyte rolled her eyes. "You know damn well Aurians heal faster than normal people... I'll be sore and tender for a while, but I can still walk... some of these cuts can't even compare to a night in the moshpit!" She said proudly, Causing Darkness to shake their heads and laugh.
As they stepped outside the Hospital, Darkness raised a brow at the list of cars surrounding Silver's Jeep. A group of men in suits smirked as they aimed their guns at Darkness, Silver, and Lyte. "Mr. Farley sends his regards... vengeance for Albert Farley will be paid in full." Said one of them. Lyte looked to her brother with a raised brow. "Pedophile I killed earlier, his father is the one who paid Blood Angel to fight me..." He explained. She nodded and stepped forward. "Not here, not today, get the fuck outta our way." She said simply. The guards all aimed at her. "Walk away bitch, this is between us and the goth freak, but we won't hesitate to make Swiss cheese out of bystanders if need be." said another man as he watched her turn around. "Please, you couldn't handle my ASS if you tried!" She said as they glared and fired all at once, the bullets bounced off her body and went right back at them. Silver pulled her submachine guns out of the back of her dress and sprayed down the surviving guards. "Told ya so." Said Lyte as she took her place in the back seat behind Silver. Darkness just smirked and stood up behind the passenger seat while Silver turned the ignition, good to have ya both talking again." She said as they drove off before the police arrived. "You going to be okay with all that?" Asked Darkness. Lyte looked up at him. "I don't like killing, but I KNOW when to defend myself, big brother... Don't worry, I'll be fine" She said as she put her headphones on and turned up her music while she fiddled with her portable soundboard.
Amanda Cross lowered her eyes at the paperwork that had just popped up from both the hospital and nightclub incidents. Unlike everyone else in the station, she was in casual civilian clothes. A yellow T-shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of sandals. "We are all just little pawns caught up in a war we aren't possibly ready for." She muttered as she read through Darkness' files. "He has no crimes reported on his name... but an ocean of bodies in his past... He definitely works for Mr. Capryse... and I can't touch him without kicking a hornet's nest that'll either have me discharged or demoted...And the worst of it all is that he doesn't even know, or care who I am." She added while filling out her reports. She kicked off her sandals and curled her toes hard enough to pop them while she ordered takeout and made some calls. "Well that's just fine, I plan to fix all that." She said while pulling up every single incident that could have had any semblance of a link to either Darkness or Mr. Capryse.
Meanwhile, a boat docked down on Long Island. Two people stepped onto shore, A woman in an opened golden robe with a white shirt and red short shorts with combat boots flipped her half shaved on her right side bowl-cut purple hair over her right eye as she looked around. "So this is New York huh? nice! Hey Max! You comin' or what dude?" She asked as her friend dusted off his White Tuxedo and adjusted his red tie over his golden undershirt before combing his short Blonde hair. "I'm coming Bo, and for the last time, It's MAXIMILLION! I don't like nicknames..." He told her with a scoff. Bo just rolled her eyes. "At least you know to call me Bo! Now... I believe we have ourselves a descendant of the Composer to find... Purple hair, black and red clothes... shouldn't be too hard to find this doom and gloomy fuck." She said while they ventured out into the depths of New York. The boat they arrived on mysteriously vanishing behind them.
It's interesting to see Darkness relay the events of his past life that led up to now to Lyte. I am glad he can be open with her and it also shows his connection to Mr. Capryse. It's interesting to see Albert Farley's men or Mr. Farley coming to exact revenge on Darkness and Silver takes care of them.
ReplyDeleteThe rivalry between Amanda Cross and Mr. Capryse is an intriguing one. She seems to hone in on Darkness and that is his main killer. She seems to be diligent when doing this research so much so as not to lose her job or lose her life.
I love the arrival of Bo and Maxilmillion, though. It seems like Darkness has a new rival and am curious to see what her history with him is, if she has any. I eagerly anticipate their meeting.
Thank you so much! Especially glad you like Bo and Max, can't wait to show them off!
DeleteFirst of all, that is a VERY interesting title. It seems Darkness needs to snap back into reality. I would have liked to have seen more build-up and mystery surrounding who's behind the drug developer company and been there with Darkness in that exact moment when he made this discovery and felt that shock with him, rather than him just telling us this information now.
ReplyDeleteAs for the next scene, Where’s the emotion? Where are the stakes? No one is scared or seems to care about this dangerous situation. They just raise their eyebrows as if this is nothing and just another Tuesday. If your characters don’t care, why should the reader? Put yourself in your character’s shoes. If you were surrounded by men pointing guns in your face with your sister and wife beside you, how would you FEEL? How do you think they would FEEL? Wouldn’t you all feel terrified? Wouldn’t you want to protect them and get them to safety? Not even Lyte is afraid here. You have three characters here. Give them three different reactions and consequences. Give them each a purpose in the scene. Different people will react differently to the same situation. That’s part of the fun of character writing!
Their victory doesn’t feel earned and it isn’t satisfying if they just defeat their opponents with nonchalant gunfire and shrug it off like it was nothing. Note how Arthur’s characters struggle against their opponents in his action scenes and they get hurt. Their emotions also run high with anger and fear. Your character’s emotions will evoke emotion in your reader too. Give them more vulnerability and raise the stakes.
Amanda Cross isn't very threatening as a villain if she's the one who is threatened by Darkness. If the villians are threatened by Darkness it doesn't make them threatening, dude. Your villains should be threatening and challenge your protagonist. They need to put us on the edge of our seats, eagerly anticipating the next chapter to see how Darkness will survive and if he does. Your characters have gotta struggle to earn their victories and make us root for them more, dawg!
I'm curious to see where you go with these new characters Bo and Max though. I'm intruiged to see how they lead Darkness to the light and if they succeed in that.
Completely agreed. This is a very fair critique.
Deleteyour questions actually highlighted the next few chapters. I'm glad THIS one did its job
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